It is possible that you can’t get your ex back because you really don’t want to. It might sound harsh, as the truth can, but we often do things that cause us our own dissatisfaction and pain because we believe it is the lesser of the two possible painful scenarios. We often forget to look at the possible positive outcome of extending ourselves. Whether it’s to get ex back or find someone new, self awareness can go a long way.

It is part of the human condition to cause one’s own painful reality rather than become victim to it via someone else’s control. This is not to say that it is human nature, but a condition. One that has been taught through generations of others with the human condition. We threw out the love of our life to make sure that we were not the one that was dumped. Sounds familiar?

We scour the shelves looking for a fat loss solution when we are still clutching a bag of potato chips in our hand. We pretend we want to lose weight, but we also know that the weight keeps the guys away, and we can then remain in control. We don’t want to be a joke or experiment, and we certainly don’t want money riding on our behaviors.

We can drown our faces in the finest beauty cosmetics but if we feel unsafe being loved we will throw daggers at the world and keep everyone at arms length. We feel the uglier we can become the safer we are from someone’s ill intentions. We are truly just trying to protect ourselves. We shield ourselves from the potential for pain by shielding ourselves from the potential for love.

We are a people trying to protect ourselves in any way that we possibly can. We don’t want to become a victim of anyone’s and so we victimize ourselves instead. We try to get better jobs, more money, and better spouses by reminding ourselves over and over again that we are not worthwhile people.

Why don’t we just stop it? It’s not an easy thing to stop. If we believe that letting someone love us will mean one day they will hurt us so deeply we can’t move in the world as a functional human being, we’ll choose loneliness instead. How do you stop doing what you are doing if you believe it is safer?

The problem is that the more we protect ourselves the more we end up hurting ourselves. We believe that no one can be as good as they seem and that no one will ever want to hear everything that we’ve kept locked in our heads. We are, by all means, individuals trying to figure out how to be a community.