It is possible that you can’t get your ex back because you really don’t want to. It might sound harsh, as the truth can, but we often do things that cause us our own dissatisfaction and pain because we believe it is the lesser of the two possible painful scenarios. We often forget to look at the possible positive outcome of extending ourselves. Whether it’s to get ex back or find someone new, self awareness can go a long way.

It is part of the human condition to cause one’s own painful reality rather than become victim to it via someone else’s control. This is not to say that it is human nature, but a condition. One that has been taught through generations of others with the human condition. We threw out the love of our life to make sure that we were not the one that was dumped. Sounds familiar?

We scour the shelves looking for a fat loss solution when we are still clutching a bag of potato chips in our hand. We pretend we want to lose weight, but we also know that the weight keeps the guys away, and we can then remain in control. We don’t want to be a joke or experiment, and we certainly don’t want money riding on our behaviors.

We can drown our faces in the finest beauty cosmetics but if we feel unsafe being loved we will throw daggers at the world and keep everyone at arms length. We feel the uglier we can become the safer we are from someone’s ill intentions. We are truly just trying to protect ourselves. We shield ourselves from the potential for pain by shielding ourselves from the potential for love.

We are a people trying to protect ourselves in any way that we possibly can. We don’t want to become a victim of anyone’s and so we victimize ourselves instead. We try to get better jobs, more money, and better spouses by reminding ourselves over and over again that we are not worthwhile people.

Why don’t we just stop it? It’s not an easy thing to stop. If we believe that letting someone love us will mean one day they will hurt us so deeply we can’t move in the world as a functional human being, we’ll choose loneliness instead. How do you stop doing what you are doing if you believe it is safer?

The problem is that the more we protect ourselves the more we end up hurting ourselves. We believe that no one can be as good as they seem and that no one will ever want to hear everything that we’ve kept locked in our heads. We are, by all means, individuals trying to figure out how to be a community.

Your brain is an organ and just like the heart and lungs, it requires oxygen and exercise in order to operate at an optimum level. You may be too young to give into middle-aged worries like ‘ use it or lose it’ or even to start fretting about Alzheimer’s and other degenerative diseases – however, it’s still important that you focus on keeping your brain in shape.

By regularly engaging in the right types of activities, you can increase your memory, improve your problem-solving skills and boost your creativity. Here are some tips on how to keep your mind active:

Quit smoking

If you are a smoker, quitting is top of the ‘to-do’ list for better mental acuity. This is due to the fact that smokers can add memory loss to the long list of health problems that come from smoking. Smokers may have twice the risk of getting Alzheimer’s disease as do people who have never smoked. Therefore, if the state of your mind is so important to you – stop smoking now — it is never too late. If you quit smoking now, you can still reduce your risk of memory loss later in life

Learn a language

Say ‘Ciao!’ to a whole new language. Learning a new tongue keeps your brain flexible and your mind sharp, helping to reduce the slowing of the thought processes that come with ageing. Attend lessons, listen to tapes from your library (a place you should be spending a lot of time in by the way!) or seek out friends with whom you can converse in your new chosen language. Instead of watching the same television programs you always do, take in a foreign language movie with subtitles and immerse yourself in your new experience.

Play games

Thanks to an ageing baby-boom generation, there are now plenty of mentally stimulating games. Brainteasers and puzzles are good exercises for the brain. At sites like at sites like Free Printable Sudoku you’ll find the best printable sudoku puzzles. Always have a crossword book in your purse or briefcase and scribble in it while you commute, while you wait for an appointment or when you relax on your coffee break. You will improve your cognitive skills and creative thinking as well as your word power and vocabulary. Try also games that force you to strategize like chess, bridge and solitaire.

Learn a new skill

A long-term goal like learning to play a musical instrument stimulates your brain on many levels over an extended period. A skill like learning to dance is great for the brain because it combines music and movement. Make everyday activities harder You can stimulate your brain just by mixing up your daily routine. If you are right handed, brush your teeth with your left hand, shower with your eyes closed — anything that will force you to use more of your senses.

Read

Whether it is a website, a novel or a newspaper, keeping your mind engaged in intellectual activity and expanding your vocabulary are two important ways to keep your brain thinking and working. As an added exercise, repeat facts you want to remember a few times aloud – then later, try to recall them again later.

Socialize

Your brain is the ultimate party animal and loves social activity. Join clubs or seek out other social activities that will surround you with many people and have you interacting. New scenery, new topics of conversation and other multi-sensory activities force the brain to literally form new connections, thus increasing memory capacity.